Recently I was working on a project for a friend, in my conversation with him about the project, his nephew was there. While I was talking about the project, I said “I really could use another person helping me to get this completed by the deadline, I need to find someone.” Immediately, his nephew, who I know pretty well, chimed in and said he would be happy to assist me. I knew that would not work because I knew his personality type and I knew mine.
You see, he is a very high S (supportive, peace keeping) type and I am a very high D (direct, results driven). What I really needed to help me was a very high C (conscientious, detailed) person. I am also a high C so I knew that is what I needed to complete this project. Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love S types. They complete me. But in this instance, for this job, no way Hosea. I needed a C type. I would end up pulling my hair out and probably a lot of rework based on his help. And I knew from just knowing him, he had very little C type in his behavior. So it required me to be truthful and explain that to him. I was very tactful (probably more than usual) but I needed to be truthful at the same time (remember, I am direct, I am working on toning that down). Needless to say, he was not very happy with our talk. My friend later told me that he was very insulted about what I told him. I told my friend, “But I was truthful.”
And that is always my response. This is not my first time running into such a situation but here are my thoughts on the matter. I would rather be truthful and tell you the things you need to know to improve yourself than not tell you at all. The things that I reveal to you about whether I appreciate your level of work or service or not is indeed based on my insight only, but it is something worth exploring inwardly. Here is what I do when I am told less than desirable news about myself. BEFORE, I get totally miffed and insulted. I TAKE 5. What do I mean? I ask myself these 5 questions:
- Am I at odds with this person?
- What would be that person’s motive for telling me that?
- Are the things this person is saying to me something that someone else has said to me before?
- When I carefully review the situation mentioned, can I see what that person may be referring to or maybe see where that person is mistaken about?
- Is this an area where I feel I may be able to improve or strengthen my skills?
When someone says something to you, it is indeed worth exploring internally. I always remind myself that if my very first instinct is to be insulted, there may be more to the story than meets the eye and I probably need to do some soul searching within. Criticism does not always feel good to me but it may be just what I need. So before you take things too personal and become highly insulted, stop a minute and TAKE 5. It won’t hurt and you may learn a thing or two about yourself.
What things have insulted you lately that you may need to review internally?